Last time on Creature Feature Overload, we mainly discussed rampaging animals of normal size (with the exception of the Sharktopus and Alligator), but this time we head over to something I love even more than rampaging regular animals – rampaging GIANT MUTANT MEGA CREATURES! I recently had the opportunity to see a whole slew of these films, some wonderfully fun, some a snoozefest, but all with a giant monster or monsters and usually some kind of 80s out of work actor/singer/whatever. So here you go, creatures galore! (Note – All the creature names are the film titles, so I didn’t really feel the need to include titles here)
MEGA-creature #1 – Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus – This movie was out a while ago and I saw it then, but it recently ran again on SyFy so I thought I would add it here. This movie is bad but hilarious in all the right ways. I mean, the shark eats a damn plane. It flies into the atmosphere – what’s 30,000 feet to a MEGA SHARK??? It also stars former 80s singer Debbie Gibson (going by Deborah, like that will make us all forget “Electric Youth”) as an oceanographer studying the migrating patterns of whales. Of course, the government messes everything up with their experimental sonar transmitters, which make the whales crazy. They inadvertently release two prehistoric creatures who then must battle to be the master of the ocean!
MEGA-creatures #2 – Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus – Ostensibly a sequel of sorts to “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus” (because we didn’t SEE the shark’s body!), this movie stars Jaleel White, aka Urkel, as a scientist who works with underwater phonic/sonic/whatever. Of course, he’s the only one who believes the shark is still alive, and of course no one believes him (because they can’t close the beaches!). They’re all more worried about the giant croc, which gets its own Crocodile Dundee rip off guy to chase him about. Apparently Dundee and Urkel hate each other for whatever reason, and there’s also a tough lady who helps them out (you know she’s tough because she’s mean and purses her lips all the time). This movie does give us plenty of Croc and Shark action, which is pretty much all I need. Nothing touches the comedy heights reached in “Mega Piranha” (see next review), but it’s not the worst in the bunch.
MEGA-creature #3 – Mega Piranha – This one stars former 80s singer Tiffany, and contains maybe the best scene ever involving a man windmill kicking piranha all over the place. Seriously, the whole damn movie is worth it to watch that scene. If you would rather skip the filler and go right for the sweet spot, you can look up the clip on You Tube. Also, the piranha throw themselves at buildings, and then somehow the buildings explode into flame. MEGA-EXPLODING PIRANHA???
MEGA-creature #4 – Mega Python vs. Gatoroid – Because one 80s pop star wasn’t enough, this movie has both Tiffany AND Debbie Gibson – there’s so much 80s you might as well break out the spandex and the slap bracelets. Speaking of slapping, there’s a lot of that in this movie as well – Tiffany and Debbie Gibson slapping each other, that is. Not slapping the Gatoroid, which would be much more hilarious. In fact, that’s the problem with this movie – the filmmaker spent so much time with the catfighting pop stars that he totally forgot that this was supposed to be about MEGA creatures! If I’m watching a movie that has “Mega” in the title, it better have a serious amount of mega creature. Not a serious amount of awkward line delivery and wedding fights. The lack of Mega makes this the worst in the bunch.
MEGA-creature #4 – Dinoshark! – Brought to you by Roger Corman, the master of schlock, and starring that guy from “Skyline” (a film probably more terrible than most of these), this is pretty much exactly what we have come to expect from this type of film. The Dinoshark eats parasailors, tourists and helicopters alike, which is all well and good, but here’s where it really shines:
Look at this picture. Jet ski vs. Dinoshark! How can a movie be any better than this? Answer: It can’t. Come on, you know you love it.
Keep a lookout for my next batch of wonderfully terrible creature features! And for god’s sake, close the damn beaches!